Introduction

Hello, I’m Elmer and I’m a rat. I live in Wales. I’m probably the best thing about it.

I share a cage with my brother Pablo. Yes that is a stupid name, but he's a stupid rat.

I have a girlfriend, her name is Midge, she lives next door but I'm not allowed to meet her cos I still have my tezzercals and mum doesn't want us to have babies. Like I can't be trusted. She said if I'm that desperate to have girlfriends I can have my tezzercals removed by the Mad Animal Torturer (vet). Not happening. So we must stay separated :( We talk every day but it's not the same, if you get me.

If you ask me it's a terrible waste to prevent such a fine specimen of rathood (i.e me) from reproducing. If a rat may have an opinion.